I can remember sitting on our deck with my husband, having a few drinks before dinner. I believe it was my day off and I had just gotten out of the pool. My husband was cooking steak on the BBQ and I was cooking perogies inside on the stove and would check them periodically. It was a very hot day, even for June.
We were sitting there chatting and enjoying the day when my youngest daughter came running out of the house saying that Michael Jackson was dead. I started to laugh. Yeah right. The media is at it again. I had just read an article that week stating that MJ had just had plastic surgery on his ears because they had taken all the cartilage from them to rebuild his nose. Another said he had the flesh eating disease and was seeing his plastic surgeon on a regular basis because he was afraid his face would be completely eaten off from the infection. So no, I did not believe he was dead. It took her much coaxing to get me to come into the house to see it on the news. The only reason i did was to prove her wrong. Michael was my hero, my idol, I worshipped him. He could not be dead.
I watched a few news stations and was hearing the same thing from them all. I still would not let myself believe it. I went on the internet and googled his name...and that is when it hit me. He was dead. There were literally hundreds of thousands of news sites saying that he had passed away....I broke down in my husbands arms and cried like I had lost my best friend. I was completely and utterly devastated. I think I cried harder when he died than when my grandmother died. I know that sounds awful, but his death was so sudden, his future looked so bright with his upcoming concerts, he had his children, what would happen to them?
I never ate my dinner. I went to bed and cried and cried for hours. I had another blog at that time and posted this on it,
"As you have probably heard Michael Jackson has passed away of a heart attack. If you follow my site at all you will know that MJ was my hero, my inspiration, and a huge part of my life. I grew up with him, listening to all my Jackson 5 records, following everything in the news and magazines about him, I have googled his name everyday since getting a computer. Some may say I am obsessed but I just connected with him and his music. I really understood what he was trying to say, his vision, how he was trying to get us to see the big picture. If only people listened to his message and didn't pay so much attention to his eccentricities...and the Press.
When I heard about the accusations that he was inappropriate with children, never once did I think it was true. I followed his trial and wept when he was acquitted of all charges. He was acquitted because he didn't do it, but still to this day the Press brings it up in every article that is printed about him.
I have ran many miles with Michael, as he is my inspiration, and basically through his music, he gives me the energy and the will to continue on until I can run no more. Over half the songs on my ipod are Michael Jackson songs.
I was so excited about his upcoming concerts and could not wait for him to make a complete comeback and show the world that he was not giving up, that he was not the weirdo that the press has made him out to be. Sure he was eccentric but most genius's are. And he was a genius...he always made sure that we were talking about him, whether it was about his glove, his surgicial mask, his taped fingers...he kept us intrigued. The press however liked to twist everything because as you know, bad press sells more mags than good press. The more of a freak they made him out to be, the more people ate it up until it became truth in their minds.
I am completely devastated. How do you explain to people that you are heartbroken over someone you have never met? I feel lost, and empty..like he took my soul with him.
One thing that is really pissing me off though is how the press is talking about what a great man he was, and a wonderful humanitarian, when a few weeks ago he was a piece of shit. I think its so sad. Like I said a long time ago, It will take Michael's death for the world to see what a gift they had...but then it will be too late....he will be gone...and now he is.. I think he was the most misunderstood and lonely person that ever walked the earth. I loved him, I am not ashamed to say that..I will always love him and glad he is finally at peace."
It has been over a year and when i think about that day it still brings tears to my eyes. They say the death of a person gets easier over time...but its just as painful if not more so, he had such a great message...and the thing is...it was so simple.
Love each other, all races are equal. The blood inside of me is inside of you. This to me is the most important message of all. If everyone thought like this there would be no war. You can make the world a better place if you start with yourself. He was such a brilliant man...musically, artistically, as well as spiritually.
I am not sure I will ever get over his death. I am hoping that by writing here and letting my feelings out that it will eventually get easier. He was such a big part of my life...and still is. I miss him alot.
